The Style Invitational Week 865: 'No Googlenopes Left'
Saturday, April 17, 2010; C02
This column's headline is
indeed a Googlenope -- a phrase that produces an announcement of "no
results found" when you type it into the universe's biggest search engine since
Nero Wolfe. (Or it was at press time.) We did our first Googlenope contest --
the term was coined by two-time Pulitzer Prize-winning poop joke writer Gene
Weingarten -- back in 2007, and received thousands of entries.
Three years later, the Google
universe is exponentially larger. Are there any funny Googlenopes still out
there -- or have we reached the end of our 'nope?
Of course they're out there.
This week: Come up with a humorous Googlenope; you may enclose your phrase in
quotation marks (which narrows the search) if it has 10 words or fewer; if
that's the case, also include the quotation marks when submitting your entry.
Winner gets the Inker, the
official Style Invitational trophy. Second place receives a genuine Pet Rat
Gummi Candy, which is like a Gummi Bear except that it is nine inches long, two
inches wide and black. And looks disturbingly like a squashed rat. Donated with
glee by Loser Melissa Yorks.
Other runners-up win their
choice of a coveted Style Invitational Loser T-shirt or yearned-for Loser Mug.
Honorable Mentions get one of the lusted-after Style Invitational Loser Magnets
(in a TBA new design!). First Offenders get a smelly tree-shaped air
"freshener" (Fir Stink for their First Ink). One prize per entrant
per week. Send your entries by e-mail to losers@washpost.comor by fax to
202-334-4312. Deadline is Monday, April 26. Put "Week 865" in the
subject line of your e-mail, or it risks being ignored as spam. Include your
name, postal address and phone number with your entry. Contests are judged on
the basis of humor and originality. All entries become the property of The
Washington Post. Entries may be edited for taste or content. Results to be
published May 15. No purchase required for entry. Employees of The Washington
Post, and their immediate relatives, are not eligible for prizes. Pseudonymous
entries will be disqualified. The revised title for next week's results is by
Judy Blanchard; this week's honorable-mentions subhead is by Beverley Sharp.
Report from Week 861, in which we you combined the names of longtime incumbent members of
Congress to produce "joint legislation." The Empress slogged through
almost 2,000 entries, many of which sounded like the words their authors
intended only in the deluded little cocoon-brains of said authors.
"Mica-Linder" for "my calendar." "Kingston-King"
for "king stinking." And sorry, Mr./Ms. Hundreds of Losers, Rep. John
Boehner calls himself "Bayner." (Also, Rep. Obey says
"Obie"; Boucher, "Boocher"; Levin, "Levvin";
Goodlatte, "Goodlet"; Inouye, "In-no-way.")
The winner of the In ker
The
Rush-Farr-Olver-Waters-Slaughter-Towns-Kaptur-Hastings-Castle-Kildee-King act
to commemorate the achievements of William the Conqueror in 1066. (Jonathan
Paul, Garrett Park)
2. the winner of the 1976
"Losers" comic book: The Shelby-Filner-Skelton bill to allow
force-feeding of fashion models. (Pam Sweeney, St. Paul, Minn.)
3. The
Edwards-Johnson-Kildee-Deal Presidential Qualifications Act (Michael Duffy,
Washington, a First Offender)
4. Akaka-Mica-Waters-Brown
measure to increase funding for the Blue Plains treatment plant. (Mark
Eckenwiler, Washington)
They got the acts: Honorable mentions
The
Holden-Frank-Olver-Camp-Farr National Parks Culinary Act (Steve Glomb,
Alexandria)
The Boxer-Shelby-Akaka bill
to encourage radical genetic engineering in spaniel breeding. (Beverley Sharp,
Washington)
The Tanner-Levin Act
Establishing Flexible Start Times for Committee Meetings (Craig Dykstra,
Centreville)
The Dreier-Slaughter CIA
appropriations bill to fund bloodless coups. (Kevin Dopart, Washington)
The Levin-Eshoo Housing
Assistance Act for old women with many children. (May Jampathom, Oakhurst,
N.J.)
The Boxer-Bachus-Brown
"Wipe Out Incontinence" Act (Steve Fahey, Kensington)
The Watt-Akaka-Deal buyer's
remorse act (Jonathan Paul; Rick Haynes, Potomac)
The Rush-Farr-Watt Act to
institute a national DMV motto. (Kevin Dopart)
The Holden-Akaka Troubled
Asset Relief Program No. 2 (Larry Gordon, Potomac, whose last ink was in 1994)
The Byrd-Hatch-Feingold bill
to reduce the deficit by selling shares in a goose said to produce valuable
eggs. (Jonathan Paul; Christopher Lamora, Arlington)
The Dreier-Inouye Prohibition
Prohibition Act (Dana Austin, Falls Church, a First Offender)
The Kildee-Levin-Young bill
to censure bad animal mothers (Bruce Evans, Arlington)
The Eshoo-Boxer Commando
Authorization Act (Les Holmes, Silver Spring, a First Offender)
The Slaughter-Pelosi
Republican Reconciliation Act (Rick Wood, Falls Church)
The Watt-Boucher-Kildee-Byrd
Market Poultry Origin Identification Act (Anthony Yeznach, Wilsonville, Ore.)
The Waters-Stearns bill to
require hotels to include bidets. (Chuck Smith, Woodbridge)
The Rush-Payne Relief Act to
provide everyone with a radio mute button. (Roger Dalrymple, Gettysburg, Pa.)
The Byrd-Hatch-Cochran-Farr
Deadbeat-Father Child Support Act (Ward Kay, Vienna; Dion Black, Washington)
The Rangel-Castle-Inhofe bill
for equitable division of divorce proceeds. (Craig Dykstra)
The Farr-Eshoo-Payne-Buyer-King-Kildee-Deal
Bill to allow penalty-free returns of ill-fitting footwear. (Craig Dykstra)
The
Eshoo-Pastor-Holden-Young-Olver-Kohl-Waters Act to prohibit baptism of infants
by river immersion. (Beverley Sharp)
The Inouye-Lowey-Leahy
Yodeling Appreciation Act (Mae Scanlan, Washington)
The Waters-Rush-Pastor-Hatch
Act to legalize skinny-dipping. (Lois Douthitt, Arlington)
The
Johnson-Johnson-Levin-Levin-Lewis-Lewis-Smith-Smith-Young-Young Grand Canyon
Preservation Act. (Michael Duffy)
The Watt-Engel-Eshoo-Holden
Urinal Splatter Prevention Act requiring better aim in public restrooms. (Kevin
Dopart)
The Tanner-Peterson-Waters
Act to promote nude sailing. (John Holder, Charlotte)
Kildee-Scott-King-Duncan Bill
to posthumously indict Macbeth for his actions in Act II. (Craig Dykstra)
The Byrd-Inouye resolution
honoring the heroism of pilot Chesley Sullenberger. (Mark Eckenwiler)
The Kohl-Dorgan bill funding
cures for impotence. (Mark Eckenwiler)
The Holden-Young-Johnson Act
to research the causes of blindness (Jane Auerbach, Los Angeles)
Farr-Inouye, the best act
that's ever been passed. (Jan Brandstetter, Mechanicsville, Md.)
And Last:
The Taylor-Akaka resolution recognizing the Empress's editing for style and
taste. (Kevin Dopart)
Next week: Be cheerful, or Blurb your enthusiasm